Oh undertaker! I just want to wake up tomorrow and feel okay.
One loose tooth and I begin to think about the noises in our ears.
There is a lump accompanied closely by a headache,
but there are no records that anyone even stumbled
into the ominous, bottomless well.
There is a cut followed by a cake-icing trail of blood,
but my birthday already passed and we’ll both be six feet under in due time.
If I could only follow that scent but
I can't feel my nose so I keep telling myself:
Bob said, you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
When I came around the bend, I was already dead but had the life in me to say:
Bob said, you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
He asked me to be a snake and live underground.
Look it over and pass your judgments, it won't happen again.
it won't happen again
it won’t happen twice,
it never happens twice,
it won’t happen again.
I believe in yelling at the wind.
Parade of lost eyes
write me from lost cities;
picture-postcard villages, (each) soul
searching for native soil.
Rows of well-trampled paths displaying bones of little-brothers,
fallen victim to big-brother’s mighty hand, ears, eyes and mouth
little by little disorientated
(panicky) like the grains of sugar, violently shaken in their paper home,
just to be poured into a morning’s cup of coffee,
swallowed whole, like sea captains with the most compelling stories to tell
but don’t ever make it home.
And the poignant secret will slowly be revealed.
-jon paul rebello
3 comments:
Jon, what a strong opening and a hopeful/ dark motif. I can see where you draw your inspiration from but I still always see your own. Albeit, I'd consider the 4th stanza.
xo
I really liked it Jp. I definitely second Theresa about the strong opening. I feel like there's more then one poem in this piece, starting at the "I believe in yelling at the wind" line it almost is like it could be another poem entirely. I really like that line by the way and it'd be cool to see you explore that and tease it out more to see what yelling at the wind means to you, what that says about you, I want to hear more about yelling at the wind and spitting at the rain. I also really like the Bob stanza, especially 'I was already dead but had the life in me to say..." very cool turn there that was unexpected. Good stuff man.
KT
very strong and real abstraction that makes the overall mood or feeling so tangible and well defined you can almost see it floating there as its own entity, apart from the ether
the last stanza was actually my definite favorite.
Rows of well-trampled paths displaying bones of little-brothers, fallen victim to big-brother’s mighty hand, -YES
yelling at the wind is an extremely powerful symbol, and if if there is any critique i could offer it would be as kt said, that i would like to see that symbol explored and expanded on even further.
solid.
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