Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Posted this a while back, made some subtle changes

"What A Life I Lead"


She said to me, “you’re a sweetheart.”
Such commentary brought to mind the epitome of my being:
an admittance of the name given to me at birth,
and the other quite fortunate characteristics
that make up my tissue and spirit.
A wandering mind, spine and sensory
housed in my head, blueprints never finished.
A man, a heart, and sometimes a voice—
what a miserable, fed-up excuse
for a twenty-two year old apparition.

What a life I lead in the breeze scrambled shade
What a life I lead in your eyes of no fire
What a life I lead in you car driving nowhere again
the conduit
the alleyway
the shadow
the path;

the bed,
the bench,
the grave.


Yet, nobody seems to recognize it—
It’s the misery that comes with being an earthbound ghost.
It’s the melancholy that comes with the blue pen touching blue paper.
I will still rummage around the rubbish
of a crooked world, upside down
for memories of a sinking ship.


-j rebs

2 comments:

pmed87 said...

im going to try and critique this by saying how and what it makes me feel"
the poem is very dejected and sullen. i like your choice of words through out the poem except for "and the other quite fortunate characteristics
that make up my tissue and spirit." it doesnt flow with the rest of the poem in my opinion, it throws me off when i read it. i really like the middle as a whole, very distant, along with the last part "It’s the melancholy that comes with the blue pen touching blue paper." thats my favorite line, overall sweet poem, it makes me feel miserable, which is a good thing, i always feel that poems are written to evoke an emotion out of its reader along with all art in general and thats the beauty it, if this poem didnt make me feel miserable or depressed i would have got nothing out of it and have nothing to say

sootheseyer said...

welcome to the ghost parade